


Boobie Trapped

by Stessa



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Booby trap, Breasts, F/F, Magic, Not Serious, Sorry Not Sorry, Trapped
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 09:46:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15704748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stessa/pseuds/Stessa
Summary: As Sheriff of Storybrooke Emma Swan has dealt with some ridiculous situations, but she never thought that she’d find herself stuck in a hole in the woods with the Good Queen unable to get out. And all because of Regina’s boobs.Hint: Zelena might have something to do with this. (She totally does).Swanqueen oneshot.





	Boobie Trapped

**Author's Note:**

> I make no apologies for this piece of fiction. It is supposed to be fun and silly, and not serious at all.

“Aunt Zelena, are you sure this is going to work?” Ry asks and stares at his aunt who’s busy chanting some kind of spell and pouring green magic across the forest floor in snake-like tendrils of cloudy smoke.

Henry places an arm around him, “Aunt Zelena knows what she’s doing… mostly,” he reassures his younger brother-slash-himself with a fond smile. Their relationship is never going to not be confusing.

Zelena turns to them with wide eyes. “Henrys, I’m concentrating,” she huffs and shakes her head at them, red hair blowing in the wind. “And of course it’s going to work, I’m bloody brilliant.”

Robin looks up from where she’s been crouched by the hole they’d dug. “How can we even be sure that Aunt Regina and Emma fall into this pit?”

“Because Emma Swan is predictable and she spends every moment possible staring at my sister’s boobs,” Zelena says, before she turns back around and continues her spell.

Alice peeks up from the hole. “Isn’t Emma Swan married to a man that looks like my father?”

Henry sits down by the side of the hole and nods. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean anything. I know my moms, okay? They’ve been like this forever. It’s only gotten worse now that there’s actually some semblance of peace here.”

Ry fiddles with a branch, offhandedly frowning. “You’re saying this is normal behaviour for them?” Ry had been the first one to notice that Emma spent a lot of her spare time with her eyes turned towards Regina’s chest. At first he had been confused because he wasn’t entirely familiar with the customs of this Land, but he soon learned that it wasn’t normal. Especially not when you were married to someone else. He should probably not have mentioned it to his Aunt Zelena, because she’d cackled loudly, but it is too late now.

“You haven’t known moms for as long as I have,” Henry says and stares up at Ry, “so I can tell you that it most definitely is. Emma has been staring at Mom’s boobs for as long as I can remember.”

“Yes, yes,” Zelena agrees, sounding very tired, “we were all surprised when she married Captain Guyliner, but look, we’re doing now what we should have done then. Fixing things.”

Robin stares at her mother, unamused. “Are you sure you’re not just doing this to mess with Emma? I know how you enjoy that.”

Zelena sends her daughter a glare, “I’m doing this because I’m a _good sister,_ Robin! I care about Regina’s happiness. Watching Emma Swan fall face first into a hole is just a nice side-benefit, am I right?” She laughs and nudges Alice with her foot.

Alice blinks. “I don’t know. I don’t like people falling.”

Ry sighs and drops the stick he’s been holding. “I think we’re done here. This plan is ridiculous, but we’re doing it anyway.”

Henry smirks and stares at his phone. “Ella and Lucy are sending the Sheriff and the Good Queen out on a chase for a portal right now, so they’ll be here within thirty minutes. You good, Aunt Zelena?”

“Sealed with blood magic,” Zelena proudly says and claps her hand together in a _that’s that_ motion. “Not even Regina will be able to get out.”

“How are you my mom,” Robin comments, before she reaches a hand out to pull Alice out of the hole.

Zelena arches an eyebrow, “Look daughter, I know you’re not familiar with some of the anatomy that goes into making a baby, because of your sexual preference, but your father and I-”

Robin sticks her fingers into her ears and starts humming loudly, whole Ry looks to Zelena, kind of interested in hearing more about how babies are made, but Alice starts singing too, and Henry motions for Zelena to cut it off. “Aunt Z, come on,” he argues, shuffling awkwardly on his feet as he watches her.

“Oh boohoo, we’re all grown-ups here.” Zelena rolls her eyes and turns to Ry, “Well except Henry 2.0, I guess, but he’s nearly there, so who’s doing the math?” She shrugs to herself, “Well, not me, that’s for sure,” she finishes, and then she whisks her hand and they are all transported back to her house with her magic crystal ball, and she sits down by the table and stares expectantly at them all. “Well?” she asks, “Who’s making the popcorn for the show?”

Ry sighs and moves towards the kitchen.

——-

Regina can say whatever she wants, but this expedition seems like bogus, and Emma would not be afraid to point that out, if she hadn’t already said so three times since Lucy and Ella sent them away. She’d been having a completely normal lunch break in Regina’s office that might have gone on for a bit too long because they always just kind of did, and her daughter-in-law and granddaughter had arrived all breathless and out of sorts.

Regina – never the one to deny their grandchild anything – had immediately demanded that she and Emma go investigate. As if Emma doesn’t have better things to do. (She doesn’t). And now they are traipsing through the forest, and Regina is wearing impractical booted heels and a button-up shirt with one too many buttons undone, and Emma is therefore having a little trouble keeping her eyes on Regina’s face when she is talking. But who can blame her? She’s known Regina for many years now and she’s never been able to not look at her cleavage whenever it’s right there in front of her eyes.

“Where did Lucy say she saw that portal open up?” Emma asks as she stops to wipe her brow and not look at Regina’s boobs.

Regina trails her eyes around the clearing and says, “It should just be a little further north.” She glances down at her cell phone, face adorably confused.

Emma sighs. “Are we really continuing this journey? This is the story of the boy who cried wolf big time.”

“He’s here? I thought he’d settled down in Arendelle. That’s what Elsa told me during our weekly Queens Counsel Meeting,” Regina replies and takes off walking again.

“Hey, no,” Emma hurries to catch up with her, “I didn’t mean literally, I meant like, metaphorically, you know?” She passes her, turns around and starts walking backwards as she continues her explanation, “Like, the boy who cried wolf too many times when there wasn’t one, and so the people stopped believing him, and like? This is the granddaughter who cried portal, because I’ve stopped believing her, and-” she stops talking when Regina stops walking and watches her with a thoroughly amused look in her eyes. “And you know exactly what I meant, you’re just messing with me,” Emma sighs.

Regina laughs, teeth glistening in the afternoon sun, and she looks so beautiful and happy that Emma doesn’t even have it in herself to be really mad. “Em-ma,” she smiles, says her name with such feeling and Emma’s heart flutters in her chest.

Emma groans, “You’re impossible,” she moans and starts walking again, eyes somehow moving from Regina’s red painted lips to her Mayor Mills shirt, and is that a peek at black lace Emma sees right then? It sure as fuck looks like it. “Here I was, truly concerned about you, and you just- AH!” She yelps when she looses her footing and falls backwards, arms flailing in the air as she goes.

She hears Regina shriek her name, but Emma just falls, her feet slipping off the ground and branches and leaves and dirt falling around her as she keep pummelling downwards. She lands with a huff, her back hitting the ground with a steady thump, and she looks up, sees Regina peering down at her from the edge with a concerned – yet slightly amused – look on her face. She’s small up there, too small for Emma to be able to reach the edge and pull herself up.

“What the fuck,” she says as she sits up and rubs her head. She was pretty sure that there hadn’t been a hole in the ground where she’d been walking, and all these branches and leaves sure as fuck suggest that someone had tried to hide the hole so some moron could fall into it. That moron being her, of course.

Regina squints at her. “Are you OK?”

Emma pulls her hair back into a ponytail. “Yeah. Us Charmings have decidedly thick skulls, I’m sure you know,” she jokes, and she fists her hands, trying to get her magic to work so she can soar to the top and get the fuck out of there. However, her hands keep shaking but nothing happens. “Uhm, Regina?”

“Yes?” Regina questions. She’s still looking down at Emma with concern marring her face and it would have been adorable at any other time, but Emma wants to get out of the hole in the ground.

“I can’t get my magic to work,” Emma muses, staring up at the other woman with wide eyes.

Regina hums and reaches a finger out to feel the air. “Perhaps this was done by magic and it’s somehow blocking you.” She plucks at the air, fingers stretching, and nods in confirmation, “Yes, there was definitely magic here, but it’s been washed out.” She arches an eyebrow and peers down at Emma again. “Thankfully, I had the sense not to fall into a pit in the ground, so I should be able to get you out. At least one of us knows to look where she’s going.”

Emma glares at her and crosses her arms, watches as Regina flicks her wrists, concentrates and tries to gather up enough magic to pull Emma out of there, which honestly should have been a piece of cake for her, but for some reason, she shoots off purple bursts of fog, but nothing more happens. Emma sees the way her brow rises slightly and her lips curl upwards in dissatisfaction, and she bites her lip to keep herself from laughing out loud. “Any day now, Regina,” she can’t help but poke at the other woman.

Another burst of purple fog disappears into nothing. “I can’t-” Regina flicks her wrist, “It doesn’t work. My magic must be blocked too!” She sighs over-exaggeratedly and kneels down next to the pit. “Looks like I’m going to have to pull you out, Miss Swan. Seriously, are you this much of an idiot. Maybe you should learn to look where you’re going.”

“And maybe we should stop going off on inane quests when it’s obviously not anything serious at all,” Emma retorts and reaches her hand out to clasp it securely in Regina’s. “Lucy likes to stir trouble. She’s like Henry that way.”

Regina says, “And Henry’s like you, so who do we have to thank for that, hm?”

Emma grins, “My mother, I’m sure.” She pushes off the ground towards the side of the pit, fingers wrapped inside Regina’s hand, “Can you pull if I jump?”

“I’m _trying_ , Miss Swan!” Regina hisses, and Emma can’t deny that she loves how the ‘Miss Swan’ still comes out whenever they’re in dire situations or Regina is feeling particularly pressured. “You’re too heavy! Too many bearclaws, I assume.”

A short, “Hey!” comes out, and before Emma can really stop it, she looses her momentum – but it’s all Regina’s fault really, because the view of her boobs is just too great when she is bent over like that – and instead of her coming _out of_ the pit, Regina falls _into it_. And she lands on top of Emma with a grunt, and the dry dirt dances around them.

“Look what you’ve done now, Miss Swan,” Regina breathes, but for some reason there’s not too much malice in her voice; she smiles faintly and her brown eyes are shining with mirth, and her face is only inches from Emma’s, their bodies pressed deliciously together as they lie in a dirty hole in the middle of the Enchanted Forest. “Now we’re both in the hole.”

Emma can feel her face flush slightly. “Well, you distracted me,” she says, and for some reason her hand is stroking up Regina’s arm, and her skin is warm even through her shirt.

Regina rolls her eyes and climbs off of her, “ _I distracted you_? How, how is this possibly by fault, Miss Swan? _You’re_ the one who fell into the pit in the first place.”

Crawling onto her knees, Emma pulls herself off the ground as well, bashfully trying not to look at the place where Regina’s shirt has somehow come even more unbuttoned, and Emma’s now positive that she’s wearing almost see-through black lace. Is she trying to kill her or something? “Yeah, with your,” she pauses, waves vaguely at the area of Regina’s chest, “boobies and stuff.”

Another huff escapes Regina’s lips and she stands there, hands on hips. “My _boobies_?” she questions, voice laced with disbelief. “Are you referring to my breasts?”

“Hm,” Emma hums and scratches the toe of her boot against a rock on the ground.

“Why would my boobs even be distracting to you?” Regina continues to question, chest rising and falling with exaggerated breaths, and it’s not really helping her case, because Emma cannot tear her eyes away, “Miss Swan, are you _looking_ at my breasts?” She says the last part with a hint of amusement, and Emma feels herself flush even more.

“…no,” she lowly whispers, staring upwards, perusing the sides of the hole to see if perhaps there’s a root to hold on to, or a rock to climb upwards on.

Regina steps closer, fierce eyes and demanding answers. “Why are you looking at my _breasts_?”

Emma finally dares to meet her eyes, but she’s not sure what to say. “Uuuuuh…”

——-

“Oh my God, what a nerd!” Robin laughs and stares in wonder at the blonde Sheriff – whom she’d always kind of looked up to, because she was definitely one of the good guys – as she stares at her aunt in wonderment, completely baffled. “She’s so far gone, dude!”

Alice leans forward, handful of popcorn in hand. “I wish we could help her. How is she going to get out of that one?”

Zelena kicks back in her chair, flips a popcorn in the air and catches it with her mouth. “Oh please. My sister loves the good Sheriff too much, she’s going to find it endearing. I knew we should have done even more to urge them in the right direction.”

Henry flicks a piece of popcorn at her, and it lands in her red hair. “Have a bit more faith in my moms, please. I know they can discuss this.”

“Emma is an idiot,” Zelena replies.

Ry stares at the crystal ball, curiously watching the two women interact. “I hope it works. I just want Regina to be happy.”

Henry pats his arms affectionately. “They will be. Don’t worry, Ry.”

Alice points at the crystal ball again, blinking. “How do we even know they like women? Haven’t they only been with men in the past? Like your fathers?” She looks to Robin, Ry and Henry, eyes big and round, and munches on another handful of popcorn.

“They have,” Robin says with a shrug, one eye still trained on the crystal ball, because she doesn’t want to miss a thing, “but they _love_ each other. That’s for sure.”

Zelena is about to add something to that, because when is she never not about to add something to anything, when a loud smack announces another presence in the farmhouse, and the questioning “Zelena? Are you home?” followed by the loud succession of high-pitched babbles tell them all that it is Snow and Hope.

“In the kitchen, Gran,” Henry yells and seconds later, Snow and Hope are standing in the kitchen, looking at them all with confused faces – well mostly Snow, because Hope squeals and reaches for Robin, and Robin happily takes her.

Snow says, “What are you all doing here?”

Alice motions towards the popcorn and the crystal ball, “Spying.”

Confused, Snow turns her eyes that way and gapes. “Is that Regina and Emma? _Where_ are they? Is that a _hole_?”

Zelena cackles and leans over, patting Snow softly on the arm. “Relax, dear Snow, we’ve got it all under control,” she off-handedly says and reaches for the bowl of popcorn. “We’re just giving them a push in the right direction.”

Snow tentatively takes a seat on a spare chair, eyes trained on the crystal ball. “What do you mean a _push_?”

Robin presses a kiss to Hope’s head and says, “To get them to realise that they love each other. It was taking too long so we had to up the stakes. We dug a hole.”

“You want them to… hook up?” Snow questions, eyes wide.

“Sure, sure,” Zelena waves a hand, “get with the program, Snow. Your daughter’s been drooling over my sister’s boobs since I’ve known her. We know Regina loves Emma. We’re just rooting for them,” she pauses, batters her eyelashes and offers the bowl to Snow, “being _helpful_.”

Snow takes a handful of popcorn and leans back in her chair. “Oh, so you want them to get together for real?” She smiles, and Henry leans forward, not sure if he’s seeing this correctly. “Good luck with that. We’ve been waiting for Emma to come to her senses for _years_.”

Alice points at the crystal ball. “Oh, so you mean you’ve seen it, too?”

“I think the Blind Witch has seen it,” Zelena guffaws while Snow nods eagerly.

Ry blinks and points at the crystal ball, too. “Oh look, look, they’re getting off the ground!”

——-

“Em-ma,” Regina firmly demands as she steps closer, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. “My breasts. Why are you looking at them. Hm?”

Emma fidgets with the zipper of her jacket. “Do you think someone put this hole here on purpose?” She studies a big root, wonders if she might be able to use that to climb up. “It’s like we were meant to fall in here. And we can’t use magic. Seems suspicious to me.”

Regina says, “Don’t change the subject, Miss Swan.”

“Oh, I bet it was Zelena. She does things to mess with me all the time!” Emma says and tries to pull at the root. It’s not that steady, so she won’t be climbing that.

Unamused, Regina continues, “Emma, forget about the hole for a moment, please?” She steps closer yet again, gingerly reaching her hands out to clasp them around Emma’s wrists. Her voice is softer, and Emma dares to finally meet her eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, nothing’s going on,” Emma chuckles nervously, teeth digging into her lower lip, “Boobs? Who’s talking about boobs? Definitely not me.”

Regina arches an eyebrow, clearly not buying Emma’s deflection for even a minute, and she squeezes Emma’s wrists tighter. “We’re talking about my _breasts_ , Emma, because apparently you’re looking at them?”

Emma huffs, breaths coming out short as she stares at Regina. She’s not sure what to say at all, she just looks at the other woman, who seems to have puffed out her chest, and there’s a little bit of sweat trailing down the column of her neck, and why are all those buttons undone? It’s like Emma’s brain short circuits because _boobies_. Regina Mills’ _boobies_.

With another sigh, Regina says, “Em-ma.”

“They’re nice boobies, OK?” Emma finally quips and pulls her hands out of Regina’s grasp. “It’s not my fault that they’re right there. They’re just so- so – so _in my face_ , you know? I can’t help it!”

There is an almost amused sparkle in Regina’s eyes, and she crosses her arms in front of her chest which does not help Emma’s troubles. “And so you look at my breasts?”

Emma hums and tries to look for another root.

“How long have you been looking at my breasts, Emma?” Regina continues to question.

“I dunno,” Emma offhandedly says and tries kicking at the wall with her foot. Dirt scatters to the ground. “Since forever, I guess.”

Regina hums, sounding pleased, and Emma sneaks a glance at her while pretending to look at a stick on the ground, and she might have expected Regina to be more mad about these turn of events, but she almost seems happy about them. “I didn’t know you liked breasts, Miss Swan,” Regina then says and she turns away slightly, and tries using magic, but everything fizzles out.

Emma snorts. “Of course I like breasts. Who doesn’t like breasts?”

She’s focusing all her attention on the top of the pit when she replies, “But you’re married to a man.”

Falling to the ground with a huff, Emma rests her back against the wall of the pit and sighs. “That doesn’t mean shit. And we’re separated by the way.”

Regina turns around instantly, fire gleaming in her eyes. “What!?” she demands to know, stepping closer and looming above Emma with her shirt still undone and her hair rumbled. “What do you mean _you’re separated_?”

Emma leans her head back against the dirt-wall and closes her eyes, breathes softly in and out for a moment or two, before she says, “Exactly what I said. We’re separated. We’re going to be divorced, and Hook’s packing up his ship to sail around for a while, and I’m looking for another place to live with Hope and Ry when he wants to.” She opens her eyes again at that, watching as Regina’s face falls and realisation dawns on her.

“Emma,” she softly breathes and slides down the wall next to her, their shoulders bumping slightly. “Why haven’t you said anything?”

Shrugging, Emma says, “Dunno. I guess I just didn’t know how.”

Regina’s brown eyes shimmer and she reaches a hand out to clasp it into Emma’s. “But what happened?”

Emma stares at their intertwined hands for a little while, watches Regina’s darker skin against her own pale one, and she loves it, loves the contrast and what it means. “It’s just not working. I don’t think he’s very good with Hope, and I’ve been kinda…” She pauses, lips trembling, “I’ve been kinda reexamining what I want out of my life, y’know?”

A soft hum escapes Regina’s lips, and Emma turns to look at her, her beautiful face; lips curled with tension, scar protruding against red lipstick, brown eyes shining almost magically. She’s soft, so soft against the dirt in a hole in the ground, and moreover – she’s beautiful like no one Emma has ever seen before. “And what do you want out of life, Em-ma?” she breathes. Says her name with such fondness in a way that Emma will never get tired of.

“Something else entirely,” Emma hears herself whisper, and it hurts, it hurts against her ribcage when she looks at Regina and just _wants_ so much that she can’t have, and it hurts when she swallows back the words she really wants to say because she _can’t_ say them at all.

Regina arches an eyebrow, soft smile playing on her lips. “Breasts, perhaps?” she attempts to joke, hushed voice almost inaudible in the air between them.

Emma feels her heart break. “Something like that.”

——-

“No!” Henry says and leans back in the chair, defeated. “Emma, you should’ve said! It was your moment!”

“She’s not very brave, is she,” Robin states and wraps an arm around Alice.

Snow shakes her head and presses a kiss to Hope’s hair. “No. Not with matters of the heart, she’s not. She’s too damaged for that.”

“And so’s Regina,” Ella comments as she and Lucy enters the farmhouse. She makes a beeline for Henry and places a kiss on his lips. “Hi.”

“By all means,” Zelena comments and makes a gesture with her hand, “come in, come in, it’s not like I’m already being more than accommodating.”

Lucy wraps an arm around her, nuzzles her cheek against her arm, and Zelena’s gone for. “Is it working, is it working, is it working,” she eagerly chants, eyes trained on the crystal ball on the table.

“Not yet, sweetheart,” Snow replies and strokes a hand over Lucy’s hair.

Ry furrows his brow and turns his eyes away from the crystal ball. “Did any of you guys know that Emma and Hook were separated?”

Henry shakes his head. “No, it surprised me. Why hasn’t she said anything?” He turns his eyes back on the crystal ball and watches his parents together, against the wall, and he can’t help but wish that they had gotten there sooner. Of course he wouldn’t have Hope as a sister if they did, but still – he just wants them to be happy and finally let themselves have what they’ve always wanted.

“She’s afraid of what it means,” Alice wistfully says and strokes a hand over the crystal ball which causes it to shimmer slightly, “Divorcing Hook means admitting her feelings for Regina, and that’s not so easy.”

Robin presses her nose into Alice’s hair and kisses her there. “No, it’s really not,” she agrees.

Ella takes a handful of popcorn and says, “And when are we going to get them out, huh?”

Zelena waves a hand, gestures at nothing. “Only once they’ve snogged. If they start shagging, I’m turning the crystal ball off. No one wants to see that.”

Snow gasps dramatically, and Alice’s eyes are wide, and Henry covers Lucy’s ears.

———

“I think Zelena has trapped us in here on purpose,” Emma says after a little while, their heads against the wall, silence between them.

Regina replies, “Yes, I imagine so. It’s hard to be sure, but it does feel kind of like her magic. She’s tried to mask it, but it’s familiar to me. Which explains why I can’t do anything, because she sealed the top with blood magic.”

Emma stares at the top, the blue sky above them, birds and trees and clouds. “We should probably just wait it out then. She’ll come back once she’s had her fun.”

“I suppose so,” Regina softly replies, and she stares upwards for a little while, lips curled and chest rising and falling gently. Emma finds her eyes drawn to the visible clavicles, the top of her round breasts and the lace teasingly visible through the unbuttoned shirt. Those breasts are never going to stop being enticing to her; she’s wanted to touch them since the first time she saw Regina, and the desire has not grown smaller in all the years they’ve known each other.

She licks her lips and tells herself to stop being such a perv, but – _boobies_.

“You’re doing it again,” Regina suddenly says, not turning her eyes away from the sky.

Emma clenches her jaw and turns her head away. “Doing what,” she whispers, even though she knows what.

Regina sounds amused, “Staring at my breasts, Em-ma. Why have I only noticed this now?”

“I’ve been smoother,” Emma sourly comments, slipping her legs towards the ground and stretching them out. There’s no point denying it; Regina knows it now, and she’ll forever be the perv who can’t stop staring at her best friend’s boobs.

There is a silence between them for a little while, before Regina eventually turns her head and looks at Emma. “Is it just my breasts or breasts in general?” she wants to know, and there is a nervous crinkle by the side of her eye.

Emma’s eyes are trained on a small rock somewhere to the left of Regina’s ear. “It’s mostly just your breasts,” she softly admits, and she feels her face flush rapidly.

Regina hums. “You could have told me, Em-ma,” she softly continues, and Emma still doesn’t dare to meet her eyes, “I’ve never been that fond of breasts before, except I’m,” she pauses, fingers twitching against Emma’s leg, “I’m kind of _fond_ of yours.”

Head tilting, Emma stares at her. “You like my boobs?” There is a faint flush to Regina’s cheeks at that, and her chest is still rising and falling, and Emma wants to reach out and touch her, maybe just a finger to her jaw or something. Her eyes are soft, softer than usual, even when she looks at Henry or Ry or Lucy or Hope or Emma herself, and Emma just wants to feel her so bad.

“I kind of-” she breathes out, fingers clutching harder against Emma’s, “- _love_ your breasts.”

Heart beating wildly in her chest, Emma’s mouth falls open and she can’t even think far enough to close it. She gapes at Regina, itching, and says, “You _love_ my boobies?” Suddenly, she has a feeling that they’re not really talking about boobs anymore.

Regina rolls her eyes. “Yes, Em-ma, I love them. And will you please stop calling them _boobies_. They’re breasts. I’m a Queen, I’m a bit too refined for _boobies_.”

“Breasts,” Emma quickly says, letting the word slip past her lips in eager, “you love my breasts?”

“I’ve loved them for a very long time,” Regina confirms, and her lips curl upwards in a small smile. Her eyes twinkle, and she looks happy. Happier than Emma has seen her in a long while.

The blonde woman squeezes her fingers. “You didn’t say.”

Regina smirks, “I think we’ve established that there’s a lot of things we should have both said before, hm?” She pulls Emma closer, which is no easy feat since they’re already pressed against each other in a hole in the ground, “Now will you please just kiss me.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Emma eagerly agrees, and she slips her hands out of Regina’s and pulls their faces together. Mouths open, tongues meet, and Emma hums against her lips as she breathes in everything that is Regina, Mayor Mills, the Good Queen. She wraps a hand in her hair, tilts her head and pulls the other woman closer. Regina moans, straddles her, fingers tangling in Emma’s blonde hair, and Emma? Emma, she runs a hand over the top of Regina’s chest before gently pressing it inside her shirt, and _breasts_. Glorious, wonderful breasts, and she squeezes, feels a nipple against her palm and everything around her sings. “God, those breasts,” she breathes.

Regina chuckles throatily against her lips, thighs squeezed around her middle. “They’re quite fond of your hands, too, Emma.”

Emma grins. “I really should have told you sooner, huh. I could’ve done this ages ago.” She underlines her point by trailing her lips towards Regina’s chest, tongue running over hot skin, tasting sweat and soap and Regina’s boobs.

“I think we’ve established plenty of times that you don’t always make wise decisions, Miss Swan,” Regina titters, forcing Emma’s chin upwards again with a tilt of her finger. “Marrying the pirate when you could have had _this_.” She tuts, presses her lips towards Emma’s again and immediately divulges her tongue into her mouth.

Emma chuckles too, nose pressed to Regina’s, and she cannot believe how foolish that seems in retrospect. “Got something to make up for then,” she determines and flicks her hands to Regina’s shirt, ripping the buttons as she forces it open.

“Please do,” Regina groans, and Emma’s lips wraps around her nipple.

——-

“Porn! Porn!” Snow yells and scrambles forward, trying to shield the crystal ball from view. “Turn it off, Zelena, turn it off!”

Zelena cackles and waves her hand absentmindedly. “Oh my, oh my. Looks like my baby sister is finally gonna get some, huh.”

Robin blinks, repeats herself. “How are you my mom,” she says, like she usually does a few times a day.

Ry smiles to himself and meets Henry’s eyes. “I guess the plan worked?”

Henry can’t help the grin on his face either, because the plan most definitely worked, and their moms are in love, and they’re kissing, and he thinks they should probably get them out of the hole soon, but maybe they’d like to stay there a little while first. “I guess it did,” he says.

“Well, since I had to cancel my subscription to the show, I better go watch it live,” Zelena laughs before she disappears in a fog of green smoke.

Ella says, “I hope she’s gone to get them out.”

“I think she is,” Robin says, eyes trained on the chair her mother had just occupied. “I mean, she probably is. Maybe. Soon.”

Snow reaches for the bowl of popcorn and offers one to Hope.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This came to be when wifey and I were watching an old episode of ouat where someone said ‘booby trap’ and my mind started going off. Again, I make no apologies, but please tell me what you thought.


End file.
